Leahpeah : flawed but authentic

…which is how she is referred to. Not Martha Nibley Beck, which happens to be her name.

So, *Heather calls me yesterday to shoot the shit and tell me about this rad book by Martha Beck. I’ve heard of Martha. If you are Mormon or ever were Mormon, chances are you’ve heard of Martha: the sad, deranged and sadly misguided daughter of the Mormon hero, Hugh Nibley. If you aren’t and/or haven’t, here is a little history:

Hugh Nibley, author and Mormon extraordinaire, lectured at BYU and wrote many books about Mormonism and the early prophets. Among them, one that I carried around like the bible for many years, is entitled ‘Approching Zion.’ I have found his talks inspiring and motivating. Captivating. He was a very compelling speaker. How well loved was he? One article states:

Hugh Nibley’ s death leaves a gap in the Church that it would take two dozen people to fill, if it can ever be filled at all.

Martha’s book, Leaving the Saints: How I Lost the Mormons and Found My Faith, is being regaled as a fake tell-all. I haven’t read it. Now I can’t wait to. Martha’s first book, Expecting Adam, was really great. I read it in a matter of hours.

You can tell from this article title exactly how she and her book are being thought of by Mormons:

Rebel Mormon’s memoir ignites a furor
Accusations: Author Martha Nibley Beck claims her father, a respected LDS intellectual, abused her

The backlash for this book is enormous. He was an ‘intellectual,’ after all. Her large family has read parts of her book. Martha has been telling them her truth for over ten years. She’s had eating disorders and depression. And that is why they think she is lying and untrustworthy. Huh. Her family has tried to talk her out of publishing the book containing what “they see as outrageous lies about their father and their family.” So says sister Zina, “I don’t believe it, not remotely.” And sister Rebecca says, “The one thing she wanted so badly was for us to say, ‘it happened to me too,’ But we couldn’t because it didn’t.”

One sister’s comment reminds me of our past presidential election: [she] is surprised that her sister failed to mention several key facts in this memoir: that Beck and her husband are divorced and that both are gay.

Well, there you go. Divorced and gay to boot. And so is her ex-husband. That, my friend, in Mormon-talk, is like saying she is an alien from outer space with a compulsive gambling problem, speech impediment and Tourette’s.

Beck’s family says she’s the unstable one. “She has a long history of mental illness, especially anorexia and depression,” Mincek said. “I am worried about her. [The negative mail] is probably throwing her into a total panic.”

On the contrary, Beck is at peace with her book.

Why does it make Martha’s experience not true if it didn’t happen to anyone else? Does that mean it didn’t happen? And isn’t the whole Mormon Church based on the experience of a young boy that had something happen to only him and no one else which required people to believe him on his word alone?

And if what she states is true, is everything that her father did/said in his entire life suddenly wrong/bad? Why can’t we believe her and still appreciate the good things Mr. Nibley did and also support Martha for the hurtful things her father did to her? Off hand I can’t thing of anyone in the entire world that is all good or bad. You kinda have to accept that people are both.

Bravo to Martha for listening to her inner truth and doing what she needs to do, even in the face of such opposition. It might even be said that it shows great inner character and strength of will to move forward when your entire family and throngs of Mormons are against you. Mormon throngs can be quite scary.

*Heather’s little trip to Moab made me miss home.
The next best thing to being there? Her flicker photos. Especially ones where she appears to be at the D.I. licking Hummels. And licking everything else.

I missed this very pertinent page:

I am clearly missing something.

Songs from Fiona Apple’s latest album are widely available on the internet and are being played on the radio, but much to the chagrin of fans, the album can’t be bought for love or money.

Why would you want to keep Ms. F’s music away from me? Why do you force me to do illegal activities? Why? Why?

via joe

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters
by Portia Nelson

1.
I walk down the street.
There’s a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost…..I am helpless;
it isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
2.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place;
but it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
3.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in….it’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
4.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
5.
I walk down a different street.

Ol’ DY did it again. Made me laugh, I mean.

My Favorite:

3. “I can’t stop touching you. Stupid OCD.“

I just want to clarify for all of you that have the impression that I’m still mentally and emotionally unstable: I’m not. And while I really appreciate your emails and comments regarding your support for me, please understand that in no way would I ever cause harm to myself, or as one concerned writer put it, ‘off [myself]‘. I use this Blog to express my feelings, whatever they may be, including a bad day, which is what this post was about. I’ve worked way too hard to be OK with myself and with life in general to let a few bad days prompt me to kill myself. I write about how I feel, and then get over it.

But, in any case, I guess it’s nice to know that there are so many people that care about me. Thanks. But please know that the time to worry would be if I don’t write anything for an extended period of time. Then, you might have cause for concern. But even in that case, it might just mean that I’m busy……

I think the two days prior with the countdown clock in the corner of the TV screen and then helicopter coverage highlighting the drive from the prison to her home was a bit much. And the coverage on Larry King. But the whole thing with Deborah Norville….what the hell was that about??

I hate today.
I feel Ugly, Fat and Stupid, all beginning with capitol letters.
I want to cry.

There doesn’t appear to be any reason for this.
I’m watching with dejected interest.

Commerical break from my bleakness: actual work.

Ashes and Snow, an exhibition by Gregory Colbert. Please. Please, please come to LA.

This is Beautiful. Wonderful. Inspiring.