Comments on: Acceptance http://leahpeah.com/blog/2007/08/06/acceptance.html flawed but authentic Tue, 07 Sep 2010 04:32:07 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: schmutzie http://leahpeah.com/blog/2007/08/06/acceptance.html#comment-3302 schmutzie Mon, 13 Aug 2007 03:21:24 +0000 http://leahpeah.com/blog/posts/2007/08/1011#comment-3302 I wish I could find the words to tell you what I want to. I want to tell you that my brother and I pulled our mother close and pushed her away as we changed and grew, and pushed her away more as we grew older, and it didn't matter that she was there the whole time. We did it anyway. When I read about how your kids talk to you, I am envious that they have that with you, because I have never had that with my mother. I wish I could find the words to tell you what I want to.

I want to tell you that my brother and I pulled our mother close and pushed her away as we changed and grew, and pushed her away more as we grew older, and it didn’t matter that she was there the whole time. We did it anyway. When I read about how your kids talk to you, I am envious that they have that with you, because I have never had that with my mother.

]]> By: Sarah http://leahpeah.com/blog/2007/08/06/acceptance.html#comment-3301 Sarah Thu, 09 Aug 2007 16:35:52 +0000 http://leahpeah.com/blog/posts/2007/08/1011#comment-3301 I agree with your last sentence. But I don't agree with the rest. I do understand that it is the way it has become, and they way they are comfortable, but bottom line is you ARE their mother whether they want to relate to you like that or not. And you should be able to behave like a mother. I have two step-children, and we have one bio child together. Sadly, my husband sees them only on weekends and not every weekend. But he is still their dad, and he still talks to them and disciplines them as a dad would. He is their friend second, for sure. He does have an open relationship and they talk to him about most things. I think though, that as they get older (13,16 now) that their relationshiop might turn more as yours is with your boys. It must just eat you up. But I don't know .. if they are teenagers, aren't they always trying to be friends with parents rather than accept being parented? I'm sorry it is like that for you. But then again, seems that you are able to be the bigger person and look past your feelings of hurt for your childrens sake, and I truly DO admire that Leah. I agree with your last sentence. But I don’t agree with the rest.
I do understand that it is the way it has become, and they way they are comfortable, but bottom line is you ARE their mother whether they want to relate to you like that or not. And you should be able to behave like a mother. I have two step-children, and we have one bio child together. Sadly, my husband sees them only on weekends and not every weekend. But he is still their dad, and he still talks to them and disciplines them as a dad would. He is their friend second, for sure. He does have an open relationship and they talk to him about most things. I think though, that as they get older (13,16 now) that their relationshiop might turn more as yours is with your boys. It must just eat you up. But I don’t know .. if they are teenagers, aren’t they always trying to be friends with parents rather than accept being parented? I’m sorry it is like that for you. But then again, seems that you are able to be the bigger person and look past your feelings of hurt for your childrens sake, and I truly DO admire that Leah.

]]> By: Sheryl http://leahpeah.com/blog/2007/08/06/acceptance.html#comment-3300 Sheryl Thu, 09 Aug 2007 02:05:53 +0000 http://leahpeah.com/blog/posts/2007/08/1011#comment-3300 Self sacrifice is a real punch in the gut. SO sorry Ms. Peah. Self sacrifice is a real punch in the gut. SO sorry Ms. Peah.

]]> By: Alison http://leahpeah.com/blog/2007/08/06/acceptance.html#comment-3299 Alison Tue, 07 Aug 2007 18:05:30 +0000 http://leahpeah.com/blog/posts/2007/08/1011#comment-3299 Sigh. I did this to my mother. When I was 9 and 14 she had breakdowns and was hospitalized. I could not see it as something happening to her and later would throw it at her, the line, "You weren't there." I imagined it slayed her and reading your words now, I know it did. As I've grown up, obviously I understood that she couldn't be there. I'm sorry, Leah. We do understand, the children, it just takes some tiem. Bless you. Sigh. I did this to my mother. When I was 9 and 14 she had breakdowns and was hospitalized. I could not see it as something happening to her and later would throw it at her, the line, “You weren’t there.” I imagined it slayed her and reading your words now, I know it did. As I’ve grown up, obviously I understood that she couldn’t be there. I’m sorry, Leah. We do understand, the children, it just takes some tiem. Bless you.

]]> By: kristyk.org » Blog Archive » Which do you want first: the good news or the bad news? http://leahpeah.com/blog/2007/08/06/acceptance.html#comment-3298 kristyk.org » Blog Archive » Which do you want first: the good news or the bad news? Tue, 07 Aug 2007 14:55:04 +0000 http://leahpeah.com/blog/posts/2007/08/1011#comment-3298 [...] Leah wrote [a heartbreaker] about the difficulties of managing kids when you have two families, two households, two moms… I’ve been trying to back off of the blended family issue on this blog, but that doesn’t mean that it is any easier. As hard as it is to be a mom, it is even harder to be a step mom. Not only do I have to worry about the kids and what is best for them, there is another adult whose feelings and rights I need to take into account. I wish that Mike’s ex had the same sort of attitude that Leah does. I wish that she cared about what is best for the girls. I wish that she wanted them to be safe and secure. At this point, I would be happy if she would just talk to Mike about things. But, as my grandma used to say: if wishes were horses then beggars would ride. [...] [...] Leah wrote [a heartbreaker] about the difficulties of managing kids when you have two families, two households, two moms… I’ve been trying to back off of the blended family issue on this blog, but that doesn’t mean that it is any easier. As hard as it is to be a mom, it is even harder to be a step mom. Not only do I have to worry about the kids and what is best for them, there is another adult whose feelings and rights I need to take into account. I wish that Mike’s ex had the same sort of attitude that Leah does. I wish that she cared about what is best for the girls. I wish that she wanted them to be safe and secure. At this point, I would be happy if she would just talk to Mike about things. But, as my grandma used to say: if wishes were horses then beggars would ride. [...]

]]> By: Heather B. http://leahpeah.com/blog/2007/08/06/acceptance.html#comment-3297 Heather B. Tue, 07 Aug 2007 13:33:16 +0000 http://leahpeah.com/blog/posts/2007/08/1011#comment-3297 I'm with Jonniker; my parents divorced when I was 4 1/2 and it's interesting reading/hearing things now as an adult, how hard it was for them to have to go through the motions of back and forth. Of course it was hard for my brother and I but when you're younger - a teenager - it's all about you and your needs. There were a million times when I was like "Umm, I really just don't feel like going to dad's house this weekend because I have plans." Which made sense to me but after speaking to him about this and then reading this from your point of view as the mother trying to get her children to test out the waters, I feel like such a shitty daughter. Like I should have realized that what was difficult for me was probably difficult for them. And...ugh. I should send my father flowers or a Titleist or something. I’m with Jonniker; my parents divorced when I was 4 1/2 and it’s interesting reading/hearing things now as an adult, how hard it was for them to have to go through the motions of back and forth. Of course it was hard for my brother and I but when you’re younger – a teenager – it’s all about you and your needs. There were a million times when I was like “Umm, I really just don’t feel like going to dad’s house this weekend because I have plans.” Which made sense to me but after speaking to him about this and then reading this from your point of view as the mother trying to get her children to test out the waters, I feel like such a shitty daughter. Like I should have realized that what was difficult for me was probably difficult for them. And…ugh.

I should send my father flowers or a Titleist or something.

]]> By: Kelly http://leahpeah.com/blog/2007/08/06/acceptance.html#comment-3296 Kelly Tue, 07 Aug 2007 08:08:28 +0000 http://leahpeah.com/blog/posts/2007/08/1011#comment-3296 Rule #1 - Moms never win. In fact, moms suck. The fact that mom is a woman (eewww) is a huge strike against her. In my experience (divorced mother with 2 sons), I am the lame ass who couldn't hold it together (never mind that he left me--another story). When I could hold it together, it was minimized and ghetto-ized as being an aberration of My True Self. My True Self equals Lame Ass, of course. Over time (and I do mean 10+ years), my kids grew to see their dad for who he was, and me for who I am. And I hope they continue to grow in their relationship with each of us. Before splitting up, my ex and I went to a therapist who said, "Never bad mouth the other parent." My tongue has permanent bite marks. Rule #1 – Moms never win. In fact, moms suck. The fact that mom is a woman (eewww) is a huge strike against her. In my experience (divorced mother with 2 sons), I am the lame ass who couldn’t hold it together (never mind that he left me–another story). When I could hold it together, it was minimized and ghetto-ized as being an aberration of My True Self. My True Self equals Lame Ass, of course.

Over time (and I do mean 10+ years), my kids grew to see their dad for who he was, and me for who I am. And I hope they continue to grow in their relationship with each of us.

Before splitting up, my ex and I went to a therapist who said, “Never bad mouth the other parent.” My tongue has permanent bite marks.

]]> By: jess http://leahpeah.com/blog/2007/08/06/acceptance.html#comment-3295 jess Tue, 07 Aug 2007 06:03:35 +0000 http://leahpeah.com/blog/posts/2007/08/1011#comment-3295 My heart is aching reading this. So incredible, your love for them, your gift of you to them, your incredible way of putting it in words. Also, that terrified part of me that knows this could be me. You are an inspiration to me Leah. I wish there were ways to make it easier. Take care. My heart is aching reading this.

So incredible, your love for them, your gift of you to them, your incredible way of putting it in words.

Also, that terrified part of me that knows this could be me.

You are an inspiration to me Leah. I wish there were ways to make it easier.

Take care.

]]> By: OMSH http://leahpeah.com/blog/2007/08/06/acceptance.html#comment-3294 OMSH Tue, 07 Aug 2007 04:51:13 +0000 http://leahpeah.com/blog/posts/2007/08/1011#comment-3294 So amazing. So honest. I'm hurting with you as I read through this and I know that doesn't even touch what you're feeling. You are a true survivor. Amazing woman. So amazing. So honest. I’m hurting with you as I read through this and I know that doesn’t even touch what you’re feeling.

You are a true survivor. Amazing woman.

]]> By: becky http://leahpeah.com/blog/2007/08/06/acceptance.html#comment-3293 becky Tue, 07 Aug 2007 03:34:34 +0000 http://leahpeah.com/blog/posts/2007/08/1011#comment-3293 oy vey. i'm a step mom and i would never have wanted the kiddo to call me mom if would estrange her from her own mother. and yet, i did want to be a trusted parent, just not her mom. i feel for you so much on this, leah. it's so hard to be selfless as a parent when your heart feels like it's being ripped out. one can only hope that over time they come to see what you've done for them and see your sacrifices. i admit i was an adult for quite a while before i saw it from my parents' view. it was when i first became a (step) parent. i hope it doesn't take that long for your kids. becky oy vey. i’m a step mom and i would never have wanted the kiddo to call me mom if would estrange her from her own mother. and yet, i did want to be a trusted parent, just not her mom.

i feel for you so much on this, leah. it’s so hard to be selfless as a parent when your heart feels like it’s being ripped out. one can only hope that over time they come to see what you’ve done for them and see your sacrifices.

i admit i was an adult for quite a while before i saw it from my parents’ view. it was when i first became a (step) parent. i hope it doesn’t take that long for your kids.

becky

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