Neon
If they came and kidnapped me right now and blindfolded me, gagged me
stuck me in the trunk
I would stay calm
because I know the roads.
I would know where they took me.
Quick left, quick right, quick left
to the freeway
or the other way.
The slow S shape
winding back and forth.
They won’t go 35 and 45.
They are in a hurry.
They will push it and speed.
And when the orange sign warns that going over 30 round this turn will lead to death and it will be your own fucking fault
they won’t listen.
They will go as fast as they want.
But the car won’t flip or crash because the guy driving the car is a professional.
I’ll use my nose to figure out where we are.
The smells go like this
City, people
Less city, people
Grass
Soil
Rich, rich soil
Soil and garden
Onion rings?
People
City
Cars, industrial stink
too much.
And Joe says
You Don’t Ruin Everything
Don’t say that anymore, Leah, it’s not true.
And I hear him from far away.
I’m not really in the trunk
but I am bound and gagged.
The buildings and the streets
they are neon pink and orange
It’s not true, I know.
But I still see it.
I’m not in the trunk.
I know I’m sitting next to Joe in the front because from my vantage point in the back seat
I see him holding my hand.
There are tears running down my cheeks
for no reason at all.
But my mouth is trying to smile and feels like nothing is wrong.
They aren’t connected to each other.
My mouth says
Gatorade powder
toilet paper
milk and I smile
and my eyes cry
for some unknown reason until I need a hankie or tissue.
In the isles I can’t stop staring.
The boxes, the floor, so sharp, so blurry
all so beautiful in neon.
The colors are almost overwhelming plus I know they aren’t there but, they are and I can’t stop staring.
Everything should cost a dollar.
Things are so expensive.
Joe gently guides me along
and when I say to no one except the cereal boxes that I like Honey Nut Cheerios
he says
Yes You Do. You Like Them.
And grabs my hand to look at canned beans.
There is a family with four kids.
Both parents are wrangling two.
Line the kids up and they make a stairway just like my kids did.
But my kids are old.
I don’t get to nurture them like that.
And I can’t even have a dog.
Would my pet dog be neon red, too?
And glow and look like fire?
The dad looks at me in surprise
and then pity.
I’m walking next to me
and I see what he sees.
I have the look of a crazy person.
My hair is unwashed, clumped and stuck in all kids of directions.
I’m wearing Joe’s Hawaiian shirt that has the same leaf colors as the bird’s poop and it hangs over my bra-less front.
My jeans are sagging, top button undone.
I’m shuffling
and my eyes are puffed, tearing and have red rings like clown makeup.
Next to myself I see this.
Back walking in myself I don’t know it or care.
And the floor is orange now.
The air smells so good on my face on the way home.
I love air.
I tell Joe I Will Be Better Tomorrow. Joe says I Know.
And Joe is helping me make nachos with cheese and black beans.
I eat them.
I vomited all morning.
My tummy feels humming but it doesn’t kick the nachos out.
And Joe gives me warm kisses on my cheeks and eyes and lips.
I feel them.
And I feel them.
Craig n Julie
This is my brother and his wife. I can never get them to sit together and let me take a nice photo of them together. Good thing they are so cute.
22 Reasons Why I'm Not Following You on Twitter
Dear Lady,
I understand your request – you would like me to follow you on Twitter. Believe it or not, I understood the first time you asked. The 8 times I ignored you, I thought, would have been a message in itself. But, I guess not. And this last one kind of drove me to the edge, so without further ado, here are some reasons I might not be following you. I’ve gone ahead and put in reasons I might not be following any certain person but look through them and see if you can pick out which ones apply to you. Fun game!
1. I don’t want to.
Even though that one doesn’t tell you a lot, it is the main reason which I shouldn’t need to explain, but I’ll go ahead and break it down further for you, in no particular order.
2. You are following 1,542 people and the 24 people following you are all spambots.
3. All your tweets are a RT of @somefamousperson
4. All your tweets are @famousperson Please Follow Me!!!!!
5. All your tweets look like this – just shittin herre. hahalol she a bitch, yo n hate hahalol
6. All your tweets look like this – Call Me! FOR a GOOOOD TIME!! I GOT IT BABY!! I LONELY!!!!!!
7. All your tweets look like this – iM jUsT dOiN nUtIN aLl DaY sHiT sUcKs!
8. All your tweets are promoting your business.
9. All your tweets are an inspirational quote. Some are fine, but I can only handle so much.
10. You joined in April and never tweeted.
11. You haven’t tweeted since April.
12. I did follow you, but you auto DMd me so I quit you instantly.
13. All your tweets are replies to only one person.
14. You don’t tweet anything interesting to me.
15. You tweet 30 times per hour. I can’t handle the load.
16. Every tweet is a whine or complaint. I can’t handle the negative energy.
17. I don’t know you, never met you, haven’t heard of you, none of the people I follow are following you, combined with any reason above.
18. You are a friend or friend of a friend and although I like you a lot and maybe read your blog, I’m not that interested in getting your tweets.
19. You are a friend or friend of a friend and although I like you a lot and maybe read your blog, you only tweet about sex.
20. You are a friend or friend of a friend and although I like you a lot and maybe read your blog, you usually tweet in all caps.
21. Your tweets are protected. How am I supposed to know if I want to follow you or not?
22. The majority of your tweets are about how many people are following you or not following you.
I know I’m not an authority on who is a good Tweeter and who is not. I am not telling you that these 22 reasons should be reasons for anyone else. But they are my reasons. You can make your own.
At the end of the day, Twitter is there for me to enjoy. If I’m not enjoying it, what’s the point? And part of enjoying it is crafting my list the way I want it. Me following you or not following you has nothing to do with your self worth, how cool you are, how famous you are or how much I like you or don’t like you. I certainly hope no one takes offense to whether I’m following them or not. I follow the people I want to keep up with. They don’t all follow me back. I don’t care. They are following who they want and are probably following people that don’t follow them back, too. It’s not a popularity contest. It’s a feed of tidbits and tiny news bulletins from sources I want to know about.
So, last words – go out there and craft your own list. Follow the people you really enjoy and not the ones you don’t enjoy. And don’t feel bad about it, even if someone repeatedly asks you to follow them. Stick to your guns and don’t give into peer pressure or hounding. They can’t make you. You can’t make me. You aren’t the boss of me.
Orange
This dirt is actually more red than it looks like in this photo. It’s the Southern Utah dirt.
Sproing
Why so many photos lately, Leah? Huh? Huh?! Ok, no one really asked me that but I feel like someone is in THEIR HEAD and they just aren’t telling me but everyone is thinking it. !! I may be on medication for a very good reason.
Anthony Michael
Seriously one of the most manly 15 year-olds I’ve ever seen. At almost 6’3″ and 180lbs, Tony was asked to play on the Varsity football team this coming year instead of the Sophomore team. They are afraid he might hurt the kids his age.
Grain
I find my life rubbing against me lately, on all sides. It’s feels like it MORE some times than other times. Life turning me that way and this way, getting in the cracks, carving lines through the layers. Creating my grain.
Today's Theme Song
That I Would Be Good
that I would be good even if I did nothing
that I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
that I would be good if I got and stayed sick
that I would be good even if I gained ten pounds
that I would be fine even if I went bankrupt
that I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
that I would be great if I was no longer queen
that I would be grand if I was not all knowing
that I would be loved even when I numb myself
that I would be good even when I am overwhelmed
that I would be loved even when I was fuming
that I would be good even if I was clingy
that I would be good even if I lost sanity
that I would be good
whether with or without you
Forest in Blue
I’m obsessed with trees. I’ve done more tree sketches and paintings than I can count. I see something new all the time and try to capture it on canvas. This 4 foot square painting made with paper, modeling paste and acrylic paint is one of my all time favorites.
Detail -
Forest in Blue is for sale here. Other paintings are available here.
Short Update
Things are hard right now. I can’t talk about any of it at the moment but I feel a post coming soon. Thanks to those of you checking in on me. I appreciate the love.
xoxo
