ask leahpeah

Ask Leahpeah

leahpeah peehead,

why are you such a retard? so dumb? is there anyway i can rtell you how much I think you are dumb? you’re paintings are wierd and you odviouslly have nop talent. There are way better writings on the internet than you and if you think you are going to have lots of people like you you are wrong. you should go back to having more kids like when you were mormon. I hear those women know there places and listen to their husbands and do right in the sight of god. So being a mormon is almost as good as being a good Christian. you are most likely going to hell and you don’t care now but you will someday att sometime. I’ll go the one step further and see if i can ask god to let you in to heaven when it’s that time becuase that is what a good christian person will do. !!

if you want to see my online blog, it is here [redacted] [redacted]

Dearest Reader,

Thank you so much for writing me. I do so look forward to seeing who takes time out of their day to drop me a kind note or a quick hello. I think you should know, though, that I have a certain way of reading letters that may not be what you had in mind. You see, I am a perpetual Pollyanna type and can only read the good and kind. Please let me show you how I read your letter:

Dear leahpeah peehead, < - I’ve kept this salutation intact because I really like it. Why are you so wonderful? So awesome? Is there anyway I can tell you how much I really think you are great? Your paintings are deep and you obviously have great talent. There are other people that write on the Internet but none are just like you. I think you are going to have lots of people liking you. You have 4 kids? I’ve never had any because the state had to neuter me due to my inability to deal with reality. It comes and goes. I hear those Mormon women know how to make crafts, take care of their kids and husbands and do right in the sight of God. So, being a Mormon is the same as being a good Christian. You are most likely going to be invited to many parties this Christmas Season. I hope you don’t get overwhelmed or burned out. I’ll go one step further and invite you to my own festive occasion because having you come to my party would mean so much to me. God be with you, [redacted]

And also with you.

About Today

Today feels like the world is crashing down around me. Things are up in the air. Everything is too hard. And I have nothing remotely uplifting or useful to say. I weep at the smallest perceived notion and if you look at me wrong, or not at all, or too hard, or act like you don’t want to look at me because i think you must think I’m dumb, forgettaboutit. But today is the day that I actually need this outlet more than other days when I have everything in control and things are lining up at the snap of my finger.

In response to Helene who wanted to know what I do on days that I’m feeling ‘gross, lazy and stupid,’ I’m not even answering your question in true leahpeah form. I’m just going to do it the only way I can today. Because this is what I do when I feel like that. I do what everyone else does. I wake up in the morning, drag my ass out of bed and go to work. I try really hard all day to do the stuff I’m supposed to do and not think too hard about me and how I feel. Unless the plants need to be watered, and then I let loose. And then, when work is over, I go home and watch some TV or paint and then go to bed. If I feel like it, I’ll feel a little and cry a lot. Or if it’s a weekend, I try not to do anything at all.

And the reason I keep getting up and having a day and repeating it over and over again is because not every day is like this one. Some days are fabulous. Some days I’m smiling even before I open my eyes. And I know that sooner or later, the law of averages says I’m going to have another good day if I just hang in there.

And so I do.

Ask Leahpeah

Dear LeahPeah/Kate,

I just read your book. It was pretty good and I liked it allot. But I have a question. If you are being so open and honest or whatever, then why did you change your name to Kate in teh book? Why not just keep it LeahPeah in the book? I mean, I know your name when I came to the website. So it’s not really hidden, is my point.


Dear Anon,

Thanx for reading my book. I changed my name to Kate in the book for three reasons.

1st, when I started writing the book, I wasn’t planning on publishing it under my own name. I was going to remain entirely anonymous (like yourself) mainly to keep anyone from knowing who I was so they wouldn’t contact anyone in my family. That remained the plan for a very long while and most of the book was already written by the time I had changed my mind. At that point, I thought about changing it to Leah, which brings us to 2nd.

Leah was also one of the names I went by. Yes, it was my birth name, but before I was integrated, there were 6 other just as valid names that I went by. So, in deciding to switch it to Leah or keep it Kate, it made the most sense to use Kate since then none of the other 6 personalities would feel bad. After being integrated, I could easily see how it would be fine to change it to Leah which brings us to 3rd.

As I reread the book for the millionth time, looking for errors etc., I tried to imagine how I could change my name from Kate to Leah and still keep the present ‘voice’ of myself as strong as it was. For example, if I’m calling myself Leah before integration and also in the present tense, it might get a little confusing.

I hope that made sense and thanx for your email.


Today's Ask leahpeah Letter

Subject: stupid questions deserve stupid answers – here’s my question 🙂
From: Maigen T.
Date: Fri, October 8, 2004 10:51 am

This is crazy – but I’m also an artist (who reads dooce – we have so much in common *insert girly squeal*)…and I try to show some of my paintings on my blog – but I have a fairly crappy digital camera. Basically, I always get a bright spot or fuzzyness. Your pictures of your paintings turned out beautifully (not to mention the paintings themselves!). I just wanted to know how you photographed them, as well as the lighting you used.

Maigen T.

Hey there Maigen,

When I shoot my paintings, it’s important to have the lighting just right.
Continue reading

Today's Ask leahpeah Letter

Subject: art question
Date: Tue, August 31, 2004 9:00 pm

Hi Leah,

I’ve been following your blog for months now, and I always return to view your artwork. I haven’t painted for years, and I’ve recently started up again. My question is: how do you do your backgrounds? What techniques do you use? I absolutely love them!

Oh, and I’m sure the metal ring is coming at any time now. Good luck to you

B. Keefe

Hey B.,

I usually start with some acrylic paint and keep things pretty wet as I go along. The drips are just incorperated in the look. Sometimes I’ve added some specific watercolor shade when the acrylic dries. It’s all about freedom to let the paint do what it wants, ya know? And lately I’ve started adding some ink work that I use on my greeting cards in the large paintings. It’s challenging but turns out nice.

Before any color I have usually prepped the canvas with some kind of paper or natural object using modeling paste to keep it in place. It adds depth and texture and depending on how long you wait and how dry it gets before you add color will give different effects.

Thanx for your letter and happy painting!

All the best,

Today's Ask leahpeah Letter

Dear Leahpeah,

I read the interview they did about you on Writers Monthly. It’s really awesome that you have found a way to live with your other personalities. So, a little about me: I see a therapist 2 times a week. He thinks I might be MPD. He told me that I got mental problems from my parents and that these things are hereditary alot. I don’t want to blame my parents. I don’t want to have MPD. Do you agree?


Maybe More the One
New Rochelle, NY

Hello MMtO,

Wow. It sounds like you have a lot of new information to digest. It’s probably going to be awhile until you feel ‘settled’ again. I’m not a therapist or phycologist but having gone through many years of therapies and learning how to self-therapize, I hope what I say to you will be helpful and not hurtful. I’m not one to sugar-coat things. Please feel free to take what helps and discard what doesn’t. Continue reading


Subject: Question about your blog
From: “Amy R.”

Your site is amazing! Though I looked around and around and could not find the answer to this question: what kind of digi-cam are you using? I am saving up for a Minolta Dimage- small enough to travel with. Do

Amy Koolaid

Hello Amy,

First of all, thank you and feel free to tell me how much you like my site anytime. Next, your question: I shoot with a Sony Cyber-shot DSC F717. I love the camera’s versatility and size as well as the kickin’ lens. The 5.0 megapixel raw shots are plenty big enough to do magazine work for North and it can pick up color like no other digital camera I’ve ever used. I hear that the 2005 cameras will be able to kick its butt but I’m not sure if I’ll upgrade. I love my 717. Here is another review.
There are many DiMAGE cameras and I’m not sure which one you are planning on getting but I hear that the G500 and the G600 are good and not too pricey. I’d stay away from getting one that promises amazing results from the enhancement features with optical zoom unless you plan to shoot with a tripod and lots of light, neither of which seem to want to be married to a slim cam that fits in your pocket for travel….which I noticed you have done quite a bit of from your photos.


Today's Letter

hi my name is Israel. I am from chihuahua, mexico, right now i am working for the minority business round table in washington dc. While I was looking for information about Dr. Carl Nelson i found your article about him, i really like it and enjoy it, nice work!
I am here in washigton because my government sent me to do a research about the Export Management Associations.

Israel R.G.

Dear Israel,

I enjoyed interviewing Dr. Nelson very much. He and his wife are wonderful people and welcomed me into their home even though they were busy with holiday preparations.

Good luck with your research in Washington! Very nice to hear from you and thank you for your nice comments.


Today's Letter


I’m a middle-aged guy thinking of moving to San Diego. I look kind of middle-class because I work as a nurse, but I’m really still a hippie inside and prefer to be around people who are a little “out there”. Where do you think I should look for a place to live in San Diego?


Bob in Minnesota

Hey Bob, is a great site for finding out what lies ahead in an unknown city. I punched in Hillcrest, (because from what you�re telling me, I think you�d really like it there) and this is what I got.

From the look of the calendar, they�ve always got a lot of great stuff going on.

By the way, don�t think you�re the only middle-aged hippie disguised as a blue-color worker out there. And, being a nurse is a perfectly wonderful thing to be. I think you�ll find the majority of people in the San Diego area will agree with me.

Good luck on your move!


Today's Letter

hey leahpeah,

i’m thinking about being a professional singer when i get out of high school or maybe even now if my dad will let me. the problem is that i don’t know if i’m really a good singer or not. and, like, i’m afraid to ask my friends because what if i really do suck? i think i could be really good.


Dearest Steph,

Have you watched TV lately? American Idol is back on for a new season. Sadly, I�m a junky for that show. As I�m watching them pick people, I�m amazed at the courage some of those kids have. Dude! They know they are going to be on national TV and they have the guts to get up there and be open to criticisms. My favorite was the Asian young man that sang Ricky Martin’s She Bangs. He was a treasure. His comment, �I�ve had no professional training.� followed closely by, �I came here to try my best and I did. I have no regrets.� (or something like that) stole my heart.

Anyway, my point is that sometimes you have to put yourself out there and take a risk that might make or break your singing career. That doesn’t mean that if you bomb, your life is over. It just means you might want to only sing in the shower. That’s what I do.

Good luck.
i wish you the best,

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