Joe: Colors. Sizes. Shapes all over the carpet. It looks like the socks have been in a traffic accident. Or part of a murder scene.
First Name Mistah
Last night, while trying to avoid more election coverage, because OK WE GET IT: things are changing and it’s about damn time, Joe and I stumbled on a gem. Were you aware that Firstname Mr. Lastname T has his own series? It’s called I Pity the Fool. Mr. T goes to places he’s needed like a dance class and to get a pedicure, and he straightens those fools out. Bonus: a slow-mo of Mr. T turning an entire circle on one foot. I think they call it a pirouette?
On the official TV Land website, you can find helpful tips from Mr. T. He’ll remind you to brush your teeth and to allow your date a chance to speak on your first date. In his birthday message, he reminds you that you aren’t getting any younger, tubby. You can even send that as a message to a dear friend. And my favorite:
Motivation for the New Parents
Are you feeling overwhelm?
Are you feeling in too deep?
You been given a special giff
A special giff that won’t let you sleep!
What did you expect?
It’s a baby!
Of course it goin to be cryin’ all the time!
Now get off your butt and go check that diaper
And congratulation on this bless event.
Seriously, I love Mr. T. So, cut the jibba jabba and go check out his website, fool. He comes in second in my heart only to Hawk, who wins because he has a beautifully coiffed feather scalp cap which I always thought looked mysteriously similar to the chicken feathers us kids had to pluck during those fun, special family times known as ‘Slaughter Day.’
It appears I have a thing for TV men with odd hair choices.
UPDATE: For my friends in other countries (because it appears that this top secret information is not readily available to people outside the USA…..?)
Interview with Kristen Chase
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Stop It
Someone please tell me why, late at night, when I’m winding down and getting ready to dream about Mark Ruffalo coming over for dinner and a good game of Scrabble because he’s Joe’s best friend where they work at the meat plant, I end up drifting off thinking my name is Dixiesugar, that I’m Phil Collins‘ partner, that we just got done cleaning up an amazing drug bust and we’re walking into the club to compete in a dance-a-thon starting with Easy Lover?
I’ll tell you why. I turn on The Daily Show. I start to fall asleep. And then this commercial comes on. Why? Why?? (warning: that site is annoying but the story is informative.)
Two Things
1. Jon has a thoroughly uber-rad step by step post up about how to get your photos looking awesome using Photoshop.
2. Tampon Crafts. Need I say more? Well, no. But I feel compelled to tell you that this information will very soon find its way into conversations with my kids. Some parents show naked baby pictures in front of friends. I talk about guns that shoot tampons at the dinner table. (via Schmutzie)
Current Smarts: Voting
My dad is Patriotic. Wait, I should have written it like this: CAPITOL P-atriotic. He used to read excerpts from newsletters written by Dobson and Schlafly at the dinner table. He sent me to John Birch camp. He gets tears in his eyes when he talks about the founding fathers. No, I’m not saying you have to be a die-hard Republican to be patriotic. I’m just saying my dad is both.
I can’t tell you how many times we talked about how great America was because it was a democracy and the people got to make the choices that shaped the direction the government went. And I believed it. Pretty much all of it. Until something happened. I turned into a teenager. And because I associated my father with being Republican, and based on that alone, I couldn’t support them anymore. I started watching the debates on TV and I didn’t like them. I turned into a Democrat just to be rebellious.
Somewhere in my mid-twenties, while married and living abroad, with my (then)husband fighting the wars and skirmishes that I had no control over (even as a Democrat!) I spent a year or so hating Clinton and wishing for a Republican president. The Germans didn’t want us there. We didn’t want to be there. As far as I could tell, we weren’t doing any good there and I didn’t understand what took so long for us to downsize our presence there. And then, we were downsized and it sucked even more than before because we had to drive twice as long (2 hours in no traffic) for just about any military type service. There was just no pleasin’ me. But, as I understand it, we still have a presence there and probably always will, just like we will in every country we put our people in. We are the friends that don’t know when to go home.
Somewhere during the 90s, I got a bad taste in my mouth about our government and how it worked. Or, didn’t work. I didn’t like the futility I felt in wanting anything to change. I didn’t see how anything could be changed. And I just kind of turned myself off. It didn’t seem to matter who was president or running the house.
In the late 90s, I had a very personal experience with our healthcare system when I tried to get help for my waning mental condition and found that in order to get well, I’d have to move out of California and continually debate my way to proving that I was incompetent in order to qualify for help. Which I eventually did. But it was dehumanizing and for months my depression was mostly about not feeling like a whole or worthwhile person after repeating just how incompetent I was day after day after day. Thankfully, I got the help I needed and am one of the lucky ones. However, my anger and frustration with our government and its Systems is pretty overwhelming. And then you have this war. And Bush being reelected. And why do I even get out of bed in the morning?
All of this is to tell you: I’m not a voter. The last time I voted was in 2004, and I hated it so bad that I immediately tried to purge it from my memory. It feels so WRONG and CONDESCENDING to find out at 1pm that your state has already been counted for one candidate or another when you haven’t even VOTED YET. Futility. But, I still went and cast my vote for the losing team.
By the time a party-approved candidate gets elected to any government position they have made so many promises, accepted so much money from special interests and scratched so many backs that it just seem so altruistic and naive to believe they are still working ‘for the people.’ How could they possibly? And if my only choices are two people that have been ‘party-approved’ and I don’t believe in them, where is my recourse? Why is it always the guy I don’t like or the guy I don’t like more?
I’ve been so ashamed to talk about this. Partly because of the way I was raised and partly because I do so appreciate living in a country where we have a certain amount of freedom. And I think the thing that my soul bridles against is that it feels to me that this whole voting thing we do is a charade, a game, a way for the powers that be to placate us (the little people) into thinking we are doing something, anything, when really we are just spinning our wheels. I also believe that if you are going to complain about something, you better be prepared to do something about it. Stop whining and change it. But in this case, I can’t figure out how to change anything, which has created some kind of immobility on my part. But, if the entire country was filled with people like me, nothing would ever get done and there would be no hope. So doing what I’ve been doing, not voting, can’t be the answer.
I went looking online to see if I was alone in this. I mean, I know that one of the main refrains we hear is that half of America’s people don’t vote and a close second is the youth of today don’t vote. Remember Sean Combs and the Vote or Die/Rock the Vote campaign? He got an additional 4 million voters in that demographic to come out and vote but everywhere you listened, they talked about how that campaign did no good and it was a waste. An additional 4 million votes were a waste? Then what good does my one vote do?
This guy thinks that voting is actually un-American. This guy is celebrating not voting 42 times. . I can see their point, but I don’t agree. Author Jane Haddam has some interesting views in her series. James Clingman wrote something wonderful in the Baltimore Times Online. A few years ago the Center for Voting and Democracy held an essay contest. Here is what the ‘youth’ had to say about why we don’t vote. Steven Hill, in 2002, writes that the youth not voting has nothing to do with them being apathetic, since the trend is for them to be more involved in the community than ever before. This article/class outline talks about how important each vote is going back as far as the election in 1824-25. Here is a frustrated Conservative. Proving that this is in no way a new problem, here is an article from 1976 which includes a nice breakdown of percentages for the time. Also, I didn’t realize that you were fined in other countries for not voting. Australia had a 97% voting turnout (in 1972) in part to avoid paying a $15 fine each. Youth Noise is trying to entice the younger voter. Apparently you can text your friends with voting messages. And they have edgy taglines:
“These are edgy attempts to raise awareness and bring young people into the site and get a better understanding of why it would be important to vote in the midterm elections,” said YouthNoise CEO Ginger Thomson of the ad campaign. By edgy, she means taglines suggesting young adults don’t vote “Because I like rich, old, white men telling me what to do,” “Because I like 90% of my paycheck going to taxes,” and “Because I’m so homophobic I can’t even touch myself.”
There is good information on the AARP’s Don’t Vote site by state. And if you live in California, Easy Voter has your info.
Do you vote? Why or why not?
Party Pooper + Two Things
I don’t like Halloween. I know. Shut up.
Pretending to be someone I’m not is not fun for me. I tried for years just to figure out how to be myself. But beyond that, I don’t like to be scared. And there, my friend, goes pretty much all of the fun of Halloween. I try to be supportive. I want my kids to have a good time. But holy hell, I don’t do a very good job. You know that guy? That smells something bad? And you know it and even if he says, ‘Nope. I’m only smelling roses right now. Are you kidding me?’ you just know what he’s smelling is BAD because his face is in a grimace and his nose is squished and the look on his face says: This Smells Bad. That is me, people. That is me around Halloween. And no matter how much I try to pretend that I’m 100% behind the ghoulish mask my son wants to wear or the only slightly-not-slutty skirt my daughter wants to wear with the thigh-high tights (but there is a bow in my hair mommy! and a cane! it’s a bo beep outfit, not a streetwalker!), I just can’t deliver. I will never be a famous actress. Please wake me up around November 3rd after people have had a chance to take down their asinine decorations. I seem a bit petulant in this area. I cannot disagree with you.
1. Have you met M. Kennedy? I love her. And she is hijacking the entire month of November simply because she can. NaBloPoMo is your blog’s way of saying Wake Up! Write Me! I Love You! You might notice that I am not committing to the month long love fest but that is only because I am petulant and lazy, as noted above. But you might not be able to refuse her. She has badges. Badges!
2. Suebob wrote about a site the other day and I could not stop thinking about it. Who wants to help women? Me. Who wants to do what they can, even if it is >30$ a month? Me. Who cares about the state of the world? Me. Go check out Women for Women International.
Hello. My Name is Leah and I'm an Addict. (Hello, Leah.)
I’m embarrassed to admit it, but what the hell, that’s what I do here. I’m a total addict. In previous years, I managed to keep my compulsion to a lower level, maybe needing a fix only once a week or so, but right now? It’s nightly.
Every late afternoon, I start to feel the creep. My mind starts doing the checklist of how long until I have the opportunity to ‘get right’ again. And then 8pm rolls around, Primetime starts and all is right with the world. I exhale a slow, long breath and put the gun away. I blame my crisis on being forced to relax and be in bed for weeks. Morning programming was the gateway drug and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to shake my nightly routine at this point. Thanks a lot, The View! I’ve given up. What’s the saying – Let Go and Let God? Yes, I’m sure He’s watching Dancing With the Stars, too. Can’t get enough of that crazy Jerry.
Here are my favorites and even my not-so-favorites that I must continue watching because I know what’s going on, and how often does that happen?? Heroes is THE best show. I don’t think I can express how much I love it so you’ll just have to tune in for yourself. Lost is pretty great this season. I didn’t watch it that much in previous years, but apparently, this is the magic year for me. Six Degrees, The Nine and Brothers and Sisters* are examples of shows that are not that great but since I like some of the actors and I happen to know most of the characters’ names and where they fit in with each other, I must keep watching. Studio 60 and 30 Rock, both based on SNL, are both good. I think it’s the best thing Alec Baldwin has ever done. Last night his character set up Tina Fey‘s character on a blind date with a woman. By the end of the episode, Tina agrees to someday do the sex stuff with her new friend, even though she’s straight, because she doesn’t want to lose her friendship with a female she can connect with. And what straight, single, middle-aged woman hasn’t thought about that? You’re older. You’ve learned to make compromises in your life. You’ve outgrown most of your childhood friends and it feels great to have a woman your age to go get coffee with. If you have to make out or use a strap-on to ensure you always have a date to the movies, then so be it.
Also on the roster are Gilmore Girls, which I really do feel has lost something since the creators have gone, the writing is just not quite right and I bet they don’t make it another season, and Grey’s Anatomy which is just as bad as ‘those afternoon stories’ and a good example of how crack kills because I usually have drool dripping off my chin by the end, and Ugly Betty, a surprise to me how much I like it, but America does such a great job in the lead role.
My Name is Earl and The Office are both awesome as per usual. The Biggest Loser, Dancing with the Stars, America’s Next Top Model and Desperate Housewives are Commercial Shows. Are you familiar with that term? No? Well, for those of us that don’t own a TiVo** and also hate commercials, it is imperative to have a show to turn to during the commercial breaks before your ears start to bleed. These are shows that you wouldn’t actually watch on their own per say, but because people are doing something semi-dramatic-interesting and in the case of ANTM, there are frequently portions of fighting and the rubbing of underwear on other people’s beds, it makes it worth a quick peek for 2.2 minutes at a time. More than that and you just might have to carve your brain out of your ears, so be careful.
Boston Legal keeps me captivated. The writing sometimes steps over the boundary of ‘you are a smart audience’ into ‘we are so clever! aren’t we so clever!?!’ which is a turn off, but most of the time James Spader and William Shatner make it all worth while. Especially Denny Crane’s new relationship with the midget. I kinda like Men in Trees. I know, right? Who would have thought. But I do. I have no explanation for you. Medium is almost back and that makes me happy. I know there are the unbelievers out there who don’t like Ms. Arquette for most of the same reasons I do like her.
I have no great ending to this post. I blame my addiction. My brain is full of over-dramatic and trite subplots that can be quickly wrapped up in 24 minutes or less. Let’s try this: What’s that? What do you mean? What are you saying?? There are dishes? In the sink?? That need washing?? And yes! I’m the only to get them done! I know! *sobbing* No! Don’t worry about me. Really. I’ll do them. *Sigh* Because in the pursuit of a cleaner kitchen and world peace, I must, I know. And I will! And when Veronica comes home from the hospital after getting her reconstructive surgery (made possible by body parts donated from the man that killed her mother two years ago while on safari) because of the plane crash she survived on the way to her honeymoon (when her new husband, Brock, died right after changing his will, which his first two wives will surely contest (and bring up the past when Veronica was put in the mental hospital (after she believed she could fly) ) ) and finds out the baby she gave away for adoption 10 years ago is now living next door (with her high school sweetheart who may or may not be the child’s real father) my kitchen will be clean and I’ll bake her a cake. A special cake! MMmmmm. Cake.
*Isn’t it nice that the Thirtysomething actors are showing up again? I loved that show.
**I haven’t even included in this list HBO shows like The Wire which totally rocks it and Entourage, which single handedly changed my mind about Mark Wahlberg (and holy hell if you aren’t watching them you better start) because I can watch them at any time On Demand. Yes! Kind of like a TiVo!
Rhoda
My sister and her daughter came for the weekend. My niece and my daughter have the same birthday two years apart. We try to get together every year. I’m wondering what year it will be when their 2-year age difference won’t be noticed by them. Over 20? Although this year was much easier than last year. 14 and 16 are closer than 12 and 14.
This is the best visit Rhoda and I have ever had in many ways. Almost the entire time was spent catering to the girls because that is the point of the get-together, but the little amount of time we did find to catch up, we spent disagreeing on almost everything. We don’t agree on religion or politics and when you are raised a Mormon in a small Utah town, religion and politics are pretty much what you have. And country music.
The thing that was so wonderful was that it didn’t matter. Rhoda and I have been through the wringer together. She was all I had when I was growing up. She tried to protect me from everything bad and failed, since that is an impossible task. That made her feel guilty and try harder to keep me safe. Her entire life became co-dependant on mine. I was a mess. She fixed me up. We kept each other busy for years.
When I finally got well in 2002, our relationship kind of crumbled. She needed me to be sick and I wasn’t. And moreover, I refused to go back to that place where she felt comfortable. And even though she was happy for me to be well, she felt angry and alone after spending her entire life around my needs and then having me move out of that space and leave her there.
We went through some major growing pains together over the past few years. There were quite a few months that went by when we didn’t make any attempt to contact each other. I was learning how to stand on my own two feet and she was trying to figure out how to be happy I was well and also figure out what she was going to do with the rest of her life now that I didn’t need her in the same way. We figured out how to be sisters in a healthy relationship and it only took us about 4 years.
So even though she supports Bush (which is so wrong) and believes that jumping through hoops will please God and give you special entry into heaven (don’t even get me started), it’s ok that we don’t agree. And she has figured out how to have a life that doesn’t include fixing mine. And I overlook the fact that she loves Toby Keith. And even though I drink alcohol and coffee, shop on Sundays and believe that people who love people that happen to be the same sex as them should have the same rights as I do, she’s glad to be my sister.
Pretty great.
Two Three Things
1. Here is my video interview with Arianna Huffington. You can tell by the rosy-red hue of my makeup that I’m positively tickled to get to speak with her about her new book On Becoming Fearless.
2. Cooper Munroe’s article is very compelling, as is the video she links to encouraging women to get out and vote. More info at the WomensVoices, WomensVote website.
3. Are you looking for more accurate reading material for you and your children to share at bedtime? Sweet Juniper! has you covered. So worth the read.
Alex Is Sweet 16
She is Sweet 16.
She got her license yesterday.
Today, she almost crashed her car.
I made her dress the night before her Surprise Casino Partaaay in 7 hours. It cost $48, 3 pinpricks of blood, a teaspoon worth of odorless, glistening sweat and 127 stress and fatigue tears.
Almost all the decorations were homemade. We used an iPod full of booty-busting R&B instead of hiring a DJ, which had me begging for a Frank Zappa song after 2 hours. Her brothers were the dealers and the bartender. Her cake was actually cupcakes all frosted together to look like a poker chip. My camera is broken so I only have the photos that my phone took. There is more to this story but it will have to wait for another day.
Oh Golly, Miss Molly
Alright, friends. It is that time. I’m finally ready, willing and able to put together that writers group we all got excited over a few months back.
Here is what I know so far:
I DON’T
1. want to be the president, vice president, secretary or treasurer of anything.
2. want anyone else to be president, vice president, secretary or treasurer of anything.
3. want to be paid or pay anyone else.
4. want strong or critical critiquing
5. want to feel pressured to perform at each meeting.
I DO:
1. want to show up on a bi-weekly to monthly regular basis.
2. want to drink coffee/brewskies.
3. want to spend a few hours per meeting with like-minded people.
4. want to have it be a relaxing and fun environment.
I DON’T MIND:
1. if I’m the one to set up the meeting place.
2. if I’m the contact person.
3. if we have writings prompts or themes as long as they aren’t mandatory.
4. if you buy me a coffee or brew.
5. if we have an official name of some kind like ‘Writing Creatives’ as long as it’s not stuffy or dumb.
Thoughts and ideas welcome. As soon as people let me know they are interested, we’ll find a location that is central to the most people. If you have any items to add to the lists above, let me know and I’ll update accordingly.
Shout out in the comments or send me an email. Let’s shoot for a first meeting the first part of November….?
xo