And Still, I Gestate
Joe and I went to the baby’s first ultrasound yesterday. Because I’ve been on bed rest (and going insane) the bleeding had subsided by Wednesday evening, which meant we could have the ultrasound on Thursday afternoon.
Everyone was very nice. I tend to read too much into things so I think they were treating me with the uber-nice set of bedside manner skills. And I jump from there to the conclusion that they think I’m going to lose this baby so they treat me with more smiles, arm squeezes and shoulder pats. Either that, or I really am just so incredibly charming and don’t know it.
Here is Exhibit A:
Here are the two scenarios they gave me.
1) My uterus is reabsorbing the fetus. I will continue to bleed until I manifest a full miscarriage in the next two weeks. No amount of bed rest, Wikka, prayer or hocus-pocus will do anything to stop it from happening.
or
2) I really DID have the flu for 3 weeks, took the first home pregnancy test the very same day that the egg implanted and by some stroke of luck my hCG was high enough to show positive along with the next five tests. This would put me at only 5 weeks pregnant, which could account for not being able to see anything in the gestational sack. Which, as you can see by the blue arrow in the above illustration of my uterus, is mostly empty save for a few ribbons of something near the bottom. Which would be wrong for 8 weeks.
So, either we lose the baby over the next 2 weeks or we go back for an ultrasound in 3 to see if anything has changed in there. You can guess which one we are hoping for.
Thank you so much for all your comments, emails, letters and packages of encouragement. Your support means so much to us. If I don’t answer you, it’s just because I don’t know what to say right at the moment. My mental health seems to be a bit teetering on the edge and I’m really concentrating on keeping it together. Thanks for understanding.
Much love,
lpc
Good luck, Leah. I’m sending good thoughts your way.
thinking of you… sending good juju, hocus pokus, prayers, positive vibes and a little LOVE your way no matter what the Docs say!! :-) Jenn
Congrats, Leah. And I’ll send up a prayer for you and Joe.
My post-work, Friday glass of red wine will be used to make a toast to you and Joe. Are toasts used for luck, as well? Oh well, this one will be for luck.
LeahPeah,
Waiting. It’s the hardest part. Particularly when the two possible scenarios are so dramatically different from each other. You have no idea what to plan for, to think about. My mental health would be along the lines of a rubber band about to snap in two.
So sorry you don’t have any clear answers right now. But I’ll keep you up there at the top of my good though/prayer/positive vibe list, and I know you’ll be able to handle whatever the outcome is.
:)
Ree
I’ve been there. I’ll be sending you everything I can muster.
Hang in there.
Prayers, good vibes, and happy dances from a fellow Leah. Certainly, 2 Leahs with one goal must be worth something in the universe. I bled HEAVILY w/my first who looked just like your u/s pic the first time I went in - the second time he was a circle w/a flash of a heartbeat in the middle. He’s 9 now and a total pain in the ass. Here’s hoping your circle becomes a pain in the ass too.
Fingers and toes crossed for you. If it helps to know, I bled at the beginning of both of my pregnancies, from roughly 5 to 7 weeks. It’s a nice way to get the shit scared out of you and make you afraid of the bathroom.
Hope it ends soon and you can move on to vomiting or sciatica or heart burn or constipation or something. And I mean that in the nicest way. C’mon, baby!
aw sweetie…. *hugs* you’re so strong, you can get through anything. Just keep in mind as you’re trying not to go crazy that you will come out ok in the end. Life has a funny way of working out like that. (and I mean that in the most not cliche way possible) :)
I am so, so, so rooting for you, Joe and this baby and sending you huge great gobs of love.
xoxoxoxoxo
S-
Thinking of you. Look after your self. xo
hey love, ill be praying for you. this was the first time i visited your blog and my heart goes out to you. take care of yourself sweets (K)
Good luck Leah! Prayers and positive thoughts are coming your way.
I love you sweetpea. I will sing Styx songs to you to take your mind off things.
Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto,
Mata ah-oo hima de
Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto,
Himitsu wo shiri tai…
I’ve been there - I know that nothing we say can actually help. BUT, it’s nice to know that everyone is thinking of you and rooting for you and your baby.
Best of luck, sweets.
Oh Leah, I’ll keep you in my thoughts. I hope you’ll have only good news soon.
Thinking of you.
Just wanted to stop by again and tell you that you are in my thoughts.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Sending out an urgent message to the universe and to the Virgin of Guadalupe to make this work out the way that you want. A thousand hopes and hugs and crossed fingers.
Thinking about you and praying for you.
Thinking of you, girl!
Very best thoughts and wishes from me to you. You’ll be in my thoughts.
Oh Leah, I’ll be thinking of you and sending you plenty of good thoughts and energy. I’ve been there more than once so if you want to talk or vent, I’m here to listen.
I just wanted to pop by again and tell you that I’ve been thinking about you all weekend…I hope you’re hanging in there.
You said no praying or any amount of WICCA but how about lots and lots of crossed fingers? Mine are crossed for you.
I would cross my toes too but that would make walking too hard and I need all the help I can get.
Take Care!
i will use all my forthcoming eyelash wishes for you, joe, and that little dot.
(&&& internet hugs)
I hope everything goes well on your impending pregnancy.
I found your blog because of the interviews. I want to do interviews of my own. I would like to ask some of the same questions as you. Most of my the people I interview will be Canadian, friends and major players in the blogging community here on the Canadian West Coast. I’m telling you about this so if you happen to stumble across one of my interviews you will not be annoyed because I seem to be ripping off your idea. I suppose I am ripping off your idea, similar but not the same. But hey imitation is the sincerest form off flattery. Let me know your thoughts.
Thanks
Melanie
Just stopping by to say I’ve been thinking about you all weekend. Positive thoughts coming your way!
Much love and happy thoughts to you!!! Everything crossed here.
Mighty prayers for you, Lee. I love you! You’re are doin great.
*hug Leah*
My prayer is for you…
I’ll be thinking about you, and hoping for Option #2.
My deepest, warmest wishes go out to you. I will be appealing to the universe for you.
I was there. I WAS THERE. Exactly where you are with the one and the two. Things went number two for us.
I wish the same for you.
I’m so sorry that you’re going through all of this…my thoughts are with you.
Bloody hell. Fingers crossed.
yowza I had a whole different interpretation of the phrase “number two” until I read the post above. I’m now wishing for lots of number two to come your way. May your future be filled with fragrant and joyful number two.
*hugs*
hope all is and continues to be well. grow little dot, grow.
Sending you all of the blessings of this beautiful world. And love, love, love….
I am sending you lots of good thoughts.
I’m so sorry you have to wait under such horrid circumstances. Many blessings and good thoughts to you and your husband…
leah, i’m thinking about you too. i hope all goes well, and i’ll be checking in for updates regularly.
I’m overwhelmed with the outpouring of love for my sister!! Thank you and your vibings! Isn’t Leah the coolest? All I know is, everything’s gonna be alright! and I hope you go number two. Bless you all
Hang in there, Leah & Joe! My thoughts and prayers go out to you both. Thanks for keeping us all up to date with your blog. You have a huge network of people cheering for you and the baby. No matter what happens, you are all very loved :).
Hi Leah, I just wanted to stop by again to say I’m thinking of you and your family. I hope you are OK.
hugs, hugs, more hugs, as many as you need.
xxx
Sometimes I have no idea what to say. So I sit and wait for a question to answer and be useful. I’d sit beside you and wrap my right arm around you and give your shoulder a sqeeeze.
Oh man, I can’t imagine how stressful this must be. Hang in there. Sending you white light and many good thoughts.
[...] For those small amount of you on the venn diagram who read me but don’t regularly read my Leahpeah, I point you to the latest update, with ultrasoundy goodness, on the gestational progress and situation. [...]